Really, what is the point of dispensing rabbinical wisdom if you people are just going to take no notice? If you’re coming to an event over the next few weeks, in the UK and the US, with the express purpose of asking me for my guidance in professional or matrimonial matters, I really must insist that you do what I say, otherwise the whole thing is a waste of my time and yours. (There may be a simple but legally binding document for you to sign.)

--Nick Hornby wants his words of wisdom to be taken seriously, damn it! Keep it in mind if he's coming to your East or West Coast town on tour for his new book, JULIET, NAKED. But what would you go to Hornby for advice for, pray tell?