Dear Nicholas Sparks,

We know how you feel. Really, we do! There was an era in our lives during which no work got done unless "Family Guy" was on in the background. (Fun times.) But... come on, man. At least pretend that you're somewhat engaged in the business of churning out your fifteenth best-seller (yes, we looked it up). You're not alone, you have your characters. If you don't want to spend any time with them, why should we?

Thank you,

The Management