04 May 2009

How To Accessorize Your Reading

Sure, your book cover speaks pretty loudly about the kind of person you are (unless you have a Kindle). But does it speak loudly enough? Make sure to add these extras to your reading and no one will be able to mistake you for the kind of reader you are.

If your book is... The latest by a modern literary giant (your Lethem, your DeLillo, your Pynchon).
Then you need... The requisite book festival and/or indie bookstore and/or publisher tote bag. Otherwise no one will believe you are actually reading it -- the souvenir says yes, you are that awesome.

If your book is... Anything with a pink cover, but chick lit in particular.
Then you need... A matching scarf and/or sweater, because the media adores a chick-lit cliche, and don't you dare let them down or you'll never find out why that mysterious man next door keeps stopping by when you're in your pajamas with a face mask on.

If your book is... Primarily concerning zombies, especially the potential of zombies in the "real world" (i.e. ZOMBIE INVASION SURVIVAL GUIDE).
Then you need... A baseball cap. No one needs to know you've lined it with tinfoil. Oops, the tinfoil's showing.

If your book is... A self-help guide
Then you need... A hammer. To beat off the negative thoughts, that is! And also to brandish at anyone who is laughing at your choice of books, and believe me, we all are.

In my defense, I own all those items -- though rare is the day when I can be found to be carrying all of them.

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