Your Assistance Please: School's Out Forever

Say someone you knew when you were a teenager had, upon growing up, published a self-help book for teenagers. Would you read it? Or more accurately, how long would you be able to hold out before trying to obtain a copy to discover if the author had indeed profited from your collective misery?

I wish I could say I made this one up to determine your collective mettle and/or temperature, but it's true. I have actually known about this book for a couple of years, sort of pushing it further and further back into my mind (but it keeps coming back!). I was shocked first because I don't know many people who have published books, period, and second, this person sort of fell off my radar and to have the name turn up much later was pretty odd.

Normally I'd be curious to death, but revisiting those years? In a self-help book? Eh.

Villains

A friend of mine lent me Meg Gardiner's CHINA LAKE a while back and from her recommendation I remember just one detail: That the baddies in it were a bunch of right-wing crazies and I was going to looooove it.

This was a very tantalizing offer, but in reality, not so satisfying. Chances are most Republicans I know would find the fictional fringe group of CHINA LAKE, the Remnant, to be pretty distasteful. The Remnant, led by its charismatic pastor, protests at the funerals of AIDS activists and out gays and lesbians in southern California with signs proclaiming "God Hates Sluts" and a website counting down to Armageddon. (In protest they resemble a small but highly visible American group I will not name because I don't want their rotten asses to get any press.) The heroine of Gardiner's books, Evan Delaney, would steer clear of them but for the fact that her ex-sister-in-law is a devotee and trying to kidnap her son back from Evan's care; she finds out amidst one such attempt that the Remnant is stockpiling weapons and planning to conduct biological warfare against local government in order to form a base to take over the country.

Here's the part where my rational brain took over and said, Now wait a second. There must be an easier way than all the ways they chose to do this [redacted for spoilers]. It is somewhat amusing that, unable to see the easy way to national domination, they had to take steps A through X. But I'm pretty sure I could plan a national takeover better, and I don't live in a religious commune, so. I think the plot just spiraled out of control at that point.

The book was okay, but I'd rather finish all the V.I. Warshawskis first before getting back to this author. Still I wonder about the writers who are busy converting the current American political situation into mass-market thrillers (uh, besides this one).

"Does anyone have a question where we don't end up having to help you people? Is anyone here okay with what's going on at this point in their careers, and maybe just curious about the shit we do?"

--Jon Stewart BEA, moderating discussions with Mary Roach, John Grisham and Condoleezza Rice and (apparently) being driven slowly insane by audience questions about how to get published. And he does that shit: The next book by the writers and performers of "The Daily Show," EARTH (THE BOOK): A VISITOR'S GUIDE TO THE HUMAN RACE, hits stores September 21, and long before his tenure as the host he published a book of essays.

The Wall Street Journal asked some famous people what they're reading this summer; Jonathan Franzen promotes THE RED PONY, which he describes as "dark dark dark and good good good." Apparently he used all his other words for FREEDOM. (August 31!)

Reading on the Road: The Mayor Bloomberg Practically Handing Me My Boarding Pass Edition

It's not your imagination, this series has been on hiatus since I haven't left New York in five months. As much as I love this city, that is a little too intimate.

I was going to test-drive my Kindle on this trip, but several pages of tedious backstory later I didn't get around to it this week. Next time! I promise to actually leave the boroughs regularly from here on out. I'm off to Houston, Texas and here's my judicious mix of tote-bag paperbacks:

Michael Idov, GROUND UP -- debut novel about a coffee shop
Joe Queenan, CLOSING TIME -- debut memoir about blue-collar Philadelphia
Simon Rich, ELLIOT ALLAGASH -- debut novel about, well, I think it has to do with a prep school?
Truman Capote, IN COLD BLOOD -- self-explanatory, my first read (I know)

I've left some posts under the warmer in case you are stuck somewhere or not skipping town. (Or not American, and thus not observing Memorial Day. I asked a coworker what she was doing for Memorial Day and she heaved the most complex, marvelous, sad sigh, like a minor-key sonata. I of course had to ruin it by making a joke, but I know how she felt.

Have a great weekend! (And happy fifth birthday blog!)

Boos to the elder statesman

In an op-ed in the Baltimore Sun, Garrison Keillor writes, "Call me a pessimist, call me Ishmael, but I think that book publishing is about to slide into the sea." One can only assume he didn't feel that way when publishing his twenty-two books, or for that matter (thanks Marjorie for alerting me to this) when opening his independent bookstore in St. Paul.

Keillor sees book publishing as an extension of a class of elites who, now that anyone can have a blog (uh, guilty), are in danger of losing their protected status. At least he gets a little bit funny when describing what will replace it:

The upside of self-publishing is that you can write whatever you wish, utter freedom, and that also is the downside. You can write whatever you wish, and everyone in the world can exercise their right to read the first three sentences and delete the rest.

Self-publishing will destroy the aura of martyrdom that writers have enjoyed for centuries. Tortured geniuses, rejected by publishers, etc., etc. If you publish yourself, this doesn't work anymore, alas.

I can only assume it was his agent's idea to publish this on the first day of BookExpo America, the publishing trade show running through today here in New York. (I'm not at BEA myself, but not because I think publishing is doomed; I had a scheduling conflict. Just so we're clear.) It's a popular event on which to hang speculation about the future of the industry -- I did it myself last year -- and Keillor's beliefs, whatever they are, are more interesting to talk about than whether some British lady accepted some money in a slightly shady manner. But it will eventually be disheartening when Keillor, having already espoused a belief about book publishing, will come out and hawk his own book (and there must be another); it'd be nice if he could criticize without seeming to yank up the ladder after him, you know? That's just bad manners.

Manuscripts in the SKY

The publisher Macmillan is under the spotlight in a Times article today about the Flatiron Building, where it moved in 1969 and has slowly taken over its available office space.

I've never been higher than the lobby myself, but I hear conditions in the Flatiron are... somewhat less posh than described. On the other hand, Madison Square Park is all kinds of lovely and you can watch the Shake Shack line live.

Filmbook of Bad News: No, Brad Pitt, No

The American adaptation of "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" has a director -- David Fincher -- and a projected release date of December 2011. (Read my review of the Swedish adaptation here.) I found Fincher's last movie pretty but boring, and his next movie is the Aaron Sorkin-scripted Facebook movie (insert mp3 of me laughing hysterically), but I wasn't worried about this project in his hands till rumors that Brad Pitt would play Blomkvist.

Perish the thought! Quoth Jenni Miller of Cinematical, "Frankly, I can't imagine a more inappropriate, though typically Hollywood, casting choice." She puts forth Mads Mikkelsen which is a solid option, but my top choice is still Liam Neeson, because Blomkvist is supposed to be a little old and a little weatherbeaten. (Don't talk to me about CGI-aging Brad Pitt again.)

As for Salander, the names Carey Mulligan (ace) and Ellen Page (acceptable) have been tossed around, but Cinematical also reports that Noomi Rapace, who played her in the Swedish movies, is not interested in reprising her role. That's a damn shame, but not surprising; these films were huge blockbusters in Sweden and she probably doesn't want to be forever tied to the character.

Watch your favorite books

In the 15 minutes I wasn't paying attention to them, book trailers became so big that they got their own award show -- albeit one described by its MC as "meant to be a spoof." The 2010 Moby Awards, handed out by Melville House Publishing, handed out such accolades as Best Performance By An Author -- it was this guy! -- Trailer Least Likely To Sell The Book and Bloodiest Book Trailer. Zach Galifianakis took home a Moby for Best Cameo for his performance in a video about John Wray's excellent LOWBOY, but Jonathan Safran Foer probably didn't pick up his statuette for Most Annoying Performance By An Author for this video tied to EATING ANIMALS. (Okay, I haven't watched that one yet. We all need our illusions.)

The most memorable book trailers I've seen recently were the Brad Meltzer "All my negative reviews at once" one and ABRAHAM LINCOLN, VAMPIRE HUNTER. (Naturally, neither of these were on TV, although occasionally you'll see a TV ad for a book and it's usually a deeply weird experience.) Have you seen one recently you'd like to call out?

Jonathan Lethem is about to up sticks and move to Southern California to teach at Pomona College. In an interview with him, the New Yorker inexplicably acts like he will never return (or, alternately, that it's 1848). Eh, he'll be back.

The judge, judged

I have often maintained that I can read anything on the subway without being much bothered by what people around me are thinking. But on that point this book is testing my mettle.

It's too bad, because first, it's extremely interesting in a Michael Pollanesque vein, weaving in a tasty mix of studies that prove what we've always known about high-sugar, high-salt and high-fat foods and those concerning what we never knew about how they influence our behavior. And second, I don't even like carrot cake, so suck on that.

The mothership calling me home

"Speculating about Stieg Larsson and what he was like has practically become a journalistic subindustry in Sweden." The New York Times has everything you needed to know (and some you didn't) about the author of the THE GIRL WHO... trilogy cut short by his death at age 50. The Times has also gone live with its review of the third book, THE GIRL WHO KICKED THE HORNET'S NEST, and in brief, I could not possibly disagree with it any more.

Tentative Summer 2010 Reading List

David Lipsky, ALTHOUGH OF COURSE YOU END UP BECOMING YOURSELF: A ROAD TRIP WITH DAVID FOSTER WALLACE
David Foster Wallace, A SUPPOSEDLY FUN THING I'LL NEVER DO AGAIN
David Foster Wallace, CONSIDER THE LOBSTER
David Foster Wallace, THE GIRL WITH CURIOUS HAIR
David Foster Wallace, BRIEF INTERVIEWS WITH HIDEOUS MEN
David Foster Wallace, THE BROOM OF THE SYSTEM

Thoughts on selection, order? Anybody got a good used-book dealer? And what are your summer reading plans?

Too many books is all relative

Housing Works' blog linked to this Times story from 1997 about big book collections in small apartments a few days ago. On one hand I sympathize, and on the other hand I get that itchy "Hoarders" feeling from it:

There is Edward Robb Ellis, an 87-year-old writer, who shares his four-room apartment in Chelsea with what he estimates to be 10,000 books, including, he reveals proudly, five sets of the Encyclopedia Britannica. Ron Kolm, a writer and bookstore night manager, lost his bedroom in Long Island City, Queens, to his archive of downtown writing. For years, he and his wife have slept in the living room on a fold-out bed.

He recalled watching his reading material rise to a height of seven feet. ''I felt like Schliemann, only in reverse,'' Mr. Kolm said, referring to the 19th-century German archeologist. ''Instead of excavating the levels of Troy, I was creating them.''

But I should be patting myself on the back because I definitely don't have 10,000 books, nor do I have even one encyclopedia set. Right??

''I've been in places where there were books in the bathtub,'' said Henry Holman, who rummages through apartments as the buyer for Gryphon Bookshop on the Upper West Side. ''I've been in apartments where there were books in the bed. I've been in apartments where you were hard put to imagine exactly where they did sleep.''

Okay, but if you fall asleep with a book in your bed, that's not the same thing as storing them there. (Uh, hypothetically?) But this might be my favorite clause, about the architect who designed Trump Tower:

"his pirate books are overflowing into his architectural books"

Never had a problem there! Okay, we're all good, who's up for a dollar cart run?

Gotta get a gimmick

At a reading in Los Angeles yesterday, Chuck Palahniuk tossed inflatable objects into the crowd to have them blow them up to win prizes. I saw him read several years ago (I believe it was around when LULLABY came out) and everyone who asked a question got a fake dead bird.