13 April 2009

Five More Classic Books That Could Be Improved With Zombies

Seth Grahame-Smith's PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES has sold like gangbusters, so it's time to mine this zombie vein as long as it holds out. A little punch-up and high school students need no longer fear their nightly reading assignments.

A TALE OF TWO CITIES -- Sure, it's supposed to be about the French Revolution, but the First Zombie Revolution has such a good ring to it! Peasants want representation in the government; zombies want to eat the other estates' delicious, cake-fattened brains.

OF MICE AND MEN -- It all makes sense now! Why would Lennie have to be contained? What made him different from everybody else? Clearly John Steinbeck's past as a zombie hunter in pre-Depression California has yet to be explored in depth.

BEOWULF -- Note to self: Rent 2007 Robert Zemeckis adaptation to find out if zombies have already been added. Unable to discern from online screenshots.

THE SCARLET LETTER -- It's a little creepy how the tiny Puritan town moves in such lockstep with its leaders. It's like none of them remember what it's like to be human and fallible. Maybe they don't...

JANE EYRE -- Would she still fall in love with Mr. Rochester if he was (spoiler) a zombie instead of blind? Wait, yes she would. Boring. But girls will go for it.


Elizabeth said...


Mrs. Rochester is already like a zombie: not quite in the world of the living, but also not dead enough.

Wade Garrett said...

The addition of, well, just about anything would make "Beowulf" more endurable.