Shit Franzens say

I was sorry that while Jonathan Franzen and I overlapped a little in New Orleans, I had left by the time he hunkered down on Tuesday night at Tulane to give a talk about why he hates everything and Edith Wharton isn't pretty enough. Just kidding! It was part of the school's "Great Writers" lecture series.

Jami Attenberg was, and from her report here are my three favorite quotes:

• "I am committed to endings…I can no longer be mistaken for a post-modern author."
• "Twitter is unspeakably irritating. Twitter stands for everything I oppose."
• "I was taught to be nice to people, which is my credo even though I seem to have some small gift for offending people without intending to."

Sadly I missed the ensuing #jonathanfranzenhates series of jokes (in short, everything). According to the Tulane report he also said "Writing a novel is an experience. The process is more important than the product," which I'm definitely not sure I agree with. But Jonathan Franzen surely hates when we speculate on his process, and the best way to get us not to is to drop hints like this constantly and submit to major magazine profiles. Obviously.

The Other, Other J. Franzen

Remember when we found out Jonathan Franzen was also a DJ who hangs out in Vegas with Jay-Z? Not satisfied by the amount of traction he's lost in the past month or two, the best-selling author seems to have taken another job, signing up for the NHL under the name Johan Franzén. (Changing the pronunciation and going blond... clever.) As a right wing for the Detroit Red Wings, he's apparently not bad. I looked for other evidence, but I couldn't find much about Johan Franzén otherwise without being able to read Swedish, which in itself is suspicious. Not like he's the first player to balance book writing and his sport, although he could be the first NHL player (says the author who has currently exhausted her knowledge of the NHL just to write this post and keeps writing NFL by accident).

"You want to do something new when you write a novel, it's right there in the word novel."
--Jonathan Franzen reading at 92Y last night. I don't know why the audience laughed on that?

Well, dang

Although the talk show host has not confirmed or denied the choice, Associated Press is reporting based on accounts from booksellers that Oprah has chosen FREEDOM for her next book club pick.

Franzenfest: Can't Take Me Anywhere

I finally saw my first fellow subway rider reading FREEDOM, in the Times Square subway station tonight. Naturally I asked him about it before I remembered who and where I was. It's one of those things people in New York Do Not Do, in my experience. Luckily he only looked puzzled, not irritated.

Photo: jacneed.com

Franzenfest: Rampant Speculation Edition

The blog of an independent bookstore in Massachusetts claims that a sales rep for Macmillan, publisher of FREEDOM, has told them Oprah's next pick is one of Macmillan's hardcovers. Could it be FREEDOM?!?!?!

I don't think this is likely, but it tickles me to find out that bookstores have to order the Oprah's Book Club pick in bulk without knowing what it is. That's why her hair's so big, it's full of secrets!

Franzenfest T-1: Franzenfest Eve!

It's not technically an embargo, but I understand the Sarah Lawrence College bookstore started selling copies of FREEDOM on Saturday. (I didn't go all the way up there to, ahem, verify.)

I finally had time to sit down with the Tanenhaus review over the weekend -- with the PAPER Times, no less! -- and good LORD is it windy. Without speculating on the internal politics of one of the last freestanding book review sections in the country, I suspect the first eight paragraphs could be cut from the review without meaningful damage, and the 9/11 imagery is, as usual, uncalled for. That's my review of the review.

If you're planning to read FREEDOM, have you pre-ordered, or are you even going to the bookstore on publication day? Buy it now or wait for interlibrary loan?

Franzenfest T-3: A Bevy of Links

I know, you're tired of this already. Don't worry, it will be over soon.

• First, Amazon accidentally leaked the entire digital version of FREEDOM to some lucky readers on Thursday. And none of you notified me?! You're all furloughed. (New York Post)

• In an interview with the Santa Cruz Sentinel, Franzen slagged TIME Magazine, right-wing political movements and, bizarrely, his own significant other. Ah, he never did learn! Pretty sure that "Santa Cruz girl" will be making him sleep on the couch. (SCS via the New York Observer)

• Santa Cruz, by the way, is the first stop on Franzen's extensive book tour, including two stops in his hometown of St. Louis, three in New York and the National Book Festival in D.C.

• As mentioned earlier in the week, Jodi Picoult and Jennifer Weiner are continuing to criticize the Times for its literary bias with regard to Mr. Franzen. (The Times has now printed not one but two raves for FREEDOM ahead of publication.) I think that's how @emperorfranzen got started -- because both are avid Twitter users and Weiner started using the delectable term franzenfreude to refer to the hype machine we are busy feeding. (Guilty, so guilty.) I like that they are somewhat shifting the burden off Franzen himself for benefiting from what they perceive as a bias... and I don't think they're entirely wrong. (The Huffington Post)

• It's hilarious that Newsweek titled its story about J-Franz and the baggage his name brings up post-Oprah "The Man We Knew Too Much." Spencer Pratt should call his agent.

• Given what we now know per the TIME article about how Franzen writes -- taking extreme precautions to eliminate himself from distractions like the Internet -- he would be a great candidate for a celebrity endorsement of the Internet-blocking software also called Freedom. (I downloaded it but haven't used it because my current Secret Writing Trick is working fine. Mustn't break stride.)

• Finally: "The title could mollify some rightwing freakazoids who might think their Muslim president is spending his holiday reading a treatise on their favourite, if never fully defined, subject of Freedom. True, Franzen may have intended the title ironically, but as Bruce Springsteen, singer of Born in the USA (which, hilariously, was being blasted out during the non-mosque protests over the weekend in NY) could tell him, sometimes some fans don't quite understand the concept." The always perceptive Hadley Freeman on the President and his vacation reading. (Guardian.co.uk)