Free Advice Friday: With a dreamy far-off look, and her nose stuck in a book

In this week's Dear Prudence chat, the manners police strikes out at public readers:

Sometimes when I want to eat out but don't have anyone to dine with I take a book to read during my meal. Sometimes I also read before a play begins. Recently an older woman came up to my table at a restaurant and told me it was very rude to read in public. I was shocked and embarrassed. I never read when I'm with others. Is it rude to read in public?

PRUDENCE: Apparently there is a cadre of people who would like to increase the amount of illiteracy in the world. They think we should all stare straight ahead when we are relieving ourselves, or waiting for an event, or enjoying a dinner out alone. Having a nice meal while engrossed in a good book sounds like a delightful evening—I'm one of those people who when dining alone would end up reading the ingredients on the Tabasco bottle if I didn't have a book with me. I assume the old lady also goes around pulling out people's earbuds and spilling ink on their crossword puzzles. She was a nut—ignore her remarks.

All I wish to add is, if this older woman is conducting this intervention on people reading books, the mere presence of smartphones must make her head explode.

Free Advice Friday: How not to name your daughter

When someone has a book-related problem, I have a totally unsolicited solution! It's the new occasional feature Free Advice Friday.

I'm pretty sure that this article is a prank, but from this week's Dear Prudence:

Dear Prudence,My husband and I met in college in an English class, and our first date was mostly a conversation about our favorite novels. One of my all-time favorite works is LOLITA by Vladimir Nabokov. I'm pregnant with my first child, and I want to name our daughter (it's a girl!) Lolita. However, I'm worried that all the ties the name has with pornography and child molestation may outweigh the beauty of the name and significance the book has had in my life. My husband is ambivalent regarding the idea. What should we do?
—Lolita Lover

What qualifies me to be an expert on this: Very little. I thought for a few years that I was named for the Beverly Cleary book ELLEN TEBBITS, but not true. And I don't have any children, but I did have six fish and I named them all for characters from GONE WITH THE WIND. Scarlett outlived all the rest, which if you think about it is rather fitting. So what I'm saying is I am a naming expert.

Free Advice Friday responds:

You are worried for a very good reason, and that reason is Are you kidding me?????? Little Lolita may not get picked on more than any other on the playground, but just wait till she grows up! If I met an adult named Lolita as a non-stage name, I would have to excuse myself from the room because I would be too busy dying of mutual shame and/or disbelief.

Are you for real??? 

But very well, in case the pedophilia aspect of the name isn't enough let's consider the character Dolores Haze. (Mild spoilers for LOLITA follow as they must.) As described in LOLITA, part of Dolores' appeal is her ordinariness. She's not ambitious, not charming, not particularly emotional over her own mother dying... Even before Humbert Humbert gets to her, and this is not to excuse him at all, she's not a heroine. Is that the kind of character you want your daughter to emulate? No way, particularly when she gets old enough to read about her namesake and is, likely, horrified at you. (I was 18 when I read LOLITA for the first time, but your mileage may vary.)

While Dolores isn't a bad alternative, it's kind of musty for a little kid. If it's a family name, you might consider it. But surely there are other, better female characters out there. You could use Scarlett, but not if she's a red-head because that's cruel. I personally would go for Rebecca (Becky) Sharp of VANITY FAIR. Now there's a woman who knew which side her bustle was tied.

Argh, now I've gotten so exercised I can't even focus on how nice it was that your husband and you met and bonded over books. That's sweet! We should all be so lucky. Read Dear Prudence's answer here.

Earlier:

• Help! My spouse is writing novels! 
• There is life beyond Pleasant Company

Free Advice Friday: There is life beyond Pleasant Company

In what seems to be setting a trend for Advice Column Friday, the Paris Review features a parent soliciting reading suggestions for his daughter:

My ten-year-old daughter is going to drive my family into bankruptcy because of her obsession with everything American Girl: the dolls, the books, the furniture, everything! I'm reluctant to put a limit on her love because it has been getting her excited about reading (even if the books are well ... you know). I also think it might be time for her to read something a bit more mature. Can you suggest a cheaper, and perhaps more worthy, literary obsession for my doll-loving daughter? —Marta, Los Angeles

Dear Marta,
The great thing about the American Girl books (and yes, I have fond memories of Changes for Samantha) is that they do get kids interested in history. And depending on which doll has taken her fancy, your daughter may want to explore “her” era further. You don’t mention a particular obsession, but there’s a terrific body of historical fiction for her age group: a few classic stories she might enjoy—all of which feature young girls, AG-style—are Island of the Blue Dolphins, The Witch of Blackbird Pond, and Sidney Taylor’s “All-of-a-Kind” series. And needless to say, if she’s not yet discovered Laura Ingalls Wilder, she’s in for a treat!

I read all those AMERICAN GIRL books, although recent family discussion suggests I have lost some of the plot points. But I did see a girl on one of my flights last weekend reading ISLAND OF THE BLUE DOLPHINS and it made me so happy.

Also, and not that this should be taken as any kind of advice for parenting that I am not so equipped to give, but I remember buying those American Girl books out of my allowance when I was 6 or 7 (at least when I didn't get them as Christmas or birthday presents). I got $1 a week, and the hardcovers were $6 (now $12.50) so it was a Lesson in Saving. Oh boy, maybe we'd better call this Unqualified Advice Column Friday.

Free Advice Friday: Help! My spouse is writing novels!

Interesting Dear Prudence question this week:

Q. How Much Hobby Sharing Can Spouses Expect From One Another?: As strictly a hobby, I write fictional novels in the evenings after my daughter goes to bed. I am a stay-at-home mom more by circumstance than by desire, though I have loved being there for my daughter. This activity has given me a chance to step into a fictional world for a few hours a night and something to do as my husband is fooling with his computer modeling, music, various artistic pursuits, or video games for the evenings after a day of work for him. I try to be supportive of his hobbies. Is it too much for me to ask for him to read what I write? The only friend I have I feel comfortable enough to read what I write is visually impaired and does most of her reading through audio books. He just never gets around to it when I do ask. I gave him an early draft of a novel I was messing around with and have since finished two sequels to it. I know they will never go farther than taking up memory space on my laptop hard drive, but I still want it to be the best I can make it, and to me that includes having someone I love and trust read it.

A: In her recent memoir, Joyce Carol Oates reveals her late husband didn't read her novels. Of course, she wrote a novel a day, so maybe it was too much to ask. If you even harbor secret dreams of someone besides your spouse reading your work, I think you need to get braver and join a writing circle, or take a class in which others are forced to read your work. Your husband may be the most sensitive, brilliant reader you'd ever encounter and he's unkindly refusing to be your Lionel Trilling. Or he may be thinking, "I love her, but if I have to read one more word about a sexy werewolf, I'm going to kill myself." Don't make reading your trilogy a test of your marriage.

Dang, First Mr. Joyce Carol Oates, that is harsh. (RIP.)

How authors should be more like bands

Even your brother's garage band has a MySpace page with a list of upcoming gigs. It confounds me when authors don't have a website or a blog (or a MySpace page, okay) with at least a little news and a bio, and preferably a list of events they will be appearing at if they have some coming up.

With this morning's search, the author in question has a book coming out in the next 6 weeks and is definitely doing some appearances. I stumbled over one by accident while looking up something else, and thought, "Hey, I wonder if he's doing any other readings in New York." He has written for plenty of sites and has a lot of relevant search engine results, but no blog -- no Facebook page -- no site. His publisher's page doesn't even mention his second book, so that would also be considered an institutional failure, but it would be just as easy for him to buy MySecondBookTitle.com or MyName.com, throw up a list of book tour dates as they are confirmed, and walk away. (By the way, both those mock URLs appear to be available, so have at.)

I'm your audience and I can't show up unless you tell me where you are! Don't count on me to surf over to the bookstore's website in time. Don't assume I'll be walking past a Barnes & Noble with your photo in the window. Best to make it, if at all possible, so that if I Google you, I can click through to some kind of you-maintained Web presence where I can find out that you have a book coming out and that you're reading at the bookstore around the corner from me.

Publicity departments, if you think your author won't do this or isn't willing, you should update your sites too -- or help your author to set one up. If James Ellroy can be on Facebook, what is everyone else's excuse? (Yes, his publisher helps him, but that's my point -- a few hours a week for an intern, a high level of net attention.)

You as an author don't have to put up flyers or play bar mitzvahs or scary gigs in country bars. (And aren't you glad?) Just pick a platform for your online home... anywhere.

Earlier from my apparently ongoing series: Publishing, You're Doing It Wrong