Feel on the verge of going mad -- then it's time to punch the clock

Meet Publishers Weekly's 6 Authors Who Never Quit Their Day Jobs, fully half of whom are or were in medical fields (counting psychologist Tomas Transtromer). Next time I can't get a doctor's appointment because the office is only open from 10:30 to 11:45 and 2:30 to 4, I'll know what the score is. In a larger philosophical sense, though, has this economy not made Melvilles of us all?

Didn't expect it to be that easy! (That's what she said.)

Normally when the Literary Review's Bad Sex in Literature finalists are announced every year I recognize one, maybe two of the titles under review. Well, this must be my lucky year because I can speak to two closely and one with a fairly high level of probability. Hooray? Who knows, next year I could end up a panelist! Great, let me clear some space on my résumé of questionable life experiences.

• Regarding PARALLEL STORIES by Peter Nadas: There are a lot of sex scenes in this book and I was unable to find which one was up for the blue ribbon here. If it's the epic hundred-pager interrupted by a Budapest drawing room with a bunch of middle-aged biddies clucking over it, then no, that should be up for the Most Audacious Sex Award. If it's 10 pages in the same pair of pants, then no.
• Regarding THE GREAT NIGHT by Chris Adrian: Since this is an adaptation/ updating of "A Midsummer Night's Dream," the sex in this book tends toward the dreamy fairy orgy variety. It's not particularly graphic, but a little tiresome in the overwhelming Meaning Of It All.
• Regarding THE LAND OF PAINTED CAVES by Jean M. Auel: I'm only noting this because if this woman wrote a book every year she would make this list and win every year. Just keep that in your pocket the next time you see your great-aunt reading this in hardcover. And that's where my vote would go. Anecdotal evidence in 2011 has revealed to me that there ought to be a support group for past readers of this series.

Among the other nominees: Stephen King for 11/22/63, Simon Van Booy's EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL BEGAN AFTER (a little quirky) and James Frey for THE FINAL TESTAMENT OF THE HOLY BIBLE (oh I just bet).